Tips for Family and Friends
Has someone you love recently had a new baby with Down syndrome? Are you trying to figure out the correct things to say and do?
While you are right to recognize that this can be a stressful time for the family, it is important to recognize that the new parents need to hear from their friends and family. The situation may be a little awkward and a little stressful, but there are some things that you can do to help.
Make the call
When a situation is stressful or awkward, it is human nature to try to avoid it. There are a million different ways to rationalize not calling, but try to get past this instinct. Pick up the phone, send a card, or drop by for a short visit. Just do it. New parents of a baby with Down syndrome will really appreciate your effort and kindness.
What to Do
As you probably guessed, this is a critical time for new parents and there are some things that you shouldn’t do or say, and other things that may be helpful. In general, it is best to be positive and to offer practical suggestions for help. Also, act as your normally would. If you had bought a gift previous to finding out the baby’s diagnosis, go ahead and give it to the parents. All parents appreciate baby gifts and acting as you normally would helps the parents get back into their routines.
While it is important to act as normal as possible, do not negate the new parents grief. It is okay to acknowledge their grief if they express it, but it is not okay to override their feelings with your own. It is also best to skip any statements that express stereotypes of children with Down syndrome, but if you do have a positive uplifting story about an individual with Down syndrome, go ahead and share it. If not, rather than discuss the disorder, discuss the child.
Lend a Hand
Like most new parents, new parents of an infant with Down syndrome may be feeling overwhelmed. To help them cope, you should offer to help out. The best way to help is to offer to do something specific - offer to cook a meal, run to the grocery store or pharmacy, take their other kids for while or even watch the baby for an hour. All new parents appreciate getting a little extra time to themselves.What Not To Do
Don’t question the test results or the diagnosis. The diagnosis of Down syndrome is not complicated, and the parents shouldn’t be put in the awkward position of having to convince you that their baby has Down syndrome. Also, don’t ask if they had prenatal testing, or if the diagnosis was “missed” prenatally. This is a very touchy subject and should be avoided at this time.
Terminology
Be sure and get the terminology right. It is no longer correct to say “Down’s baby” or “Down’s kid.” Instead of putting the diagnosis first, put the person first. Use phrases such as “an infant with Down syndrome” or “person with Down syndrome.” Also, some parents strongly object to the words “mental retardation” and prefer “developmental delay.”
While this may seem like a lot of things to remember, it is important to remember the overriding rule - be kind and supportive! It is the little acts of kindness that people remember the most.
